Step Away from Striving – Advice from a Zoom Yoga Class
One of the things that I’ve been consistent with over the last two months is a Saturday morning Zoom yoga class. It’s the first real fitness thing that I’ve been able to stick with since becoming a mom because Adam is home to take care of Charlie. And the fact that the class is live and not recorded to watch later means I have to show up.
If you know me, then you know that fitness has been a big part of my life for many years. I used to teach multiple barre3 fitness classes a day in downtown Toronto. I could stick to a killer weight training workout plan, and I loved a good yoga class. In true over-achiever fashion, I wouldn’t skip a day of a program, and I’d push myself to do the hardest variation of an exercise.
But then, pandemic parenting happened
I was able to work out during my pregnancy up until the last month or so when I was just too giant to do anything. It was hard for me to not exercise. I count on it for my mental health and as part of my routine.
I figured that’s all ok; it’s a small blip in the radar and I’ll be back at it after I give birth.
Oh, how things never turn out the way you’ll think.
After 36 hours of labour and an unplanned C-section, it took me MUCH longer than the standard six weeks to heal. I couldn’t walk properly for about three months, never mind exercise. I felt like I was doing it all wrong. Why wasn’t I ready to rock? Why couldn’t I just push through? I had to slow way down and take it one step at a time. I had to realize that I couldn’t exercise for nearly six months after giving birth. That’s a far cry from the six weeks we’re sold in all the “what to expect” handbooks.
Yoga was the answer
The only safe form of movement for me after having Charlie was yoga. And not just any online video, but a guided flow with an experienced instructor. I’m so grateful for my friend Jette who introduced me to Kathy’s online yoga community. It was a safe space. A place for all levels of fitness. A true community online.
To me, yoga was always a beautiful practice. But I really thought it was something to compliment other forms of harder exercise. It was the movement you did on rest days.
Now, yoga is all I can do, and I finally am starting to feel more connected to my body again. It’s been a journey thus far, and I know it’s going to be a long journey from here on out to get back into better shape. I see now that with focus and determination yoga can really bring you strength, and much more.
Calm and strong
My mental health has been a challenge this year. From post-partum depression to pandemic anxiety to the worries that all parents are facing, I’ve been trying to handle a lot. And I haven’t had the right tools to help. I’ve been working a lot, sleeping very little, and thinking that I’m not doing enough because I’m not physically fit.
Yoga, however, is the perfect antidote to this thinking, this state of being, this situation where the worries can be overwhelming. It may just be one hour on Zoom, but it’s one hour of presence, calm, community, and showing myself that I can get stronger, a little bit at a time.
The breathing, mindfulness, balance, and gratitude were things I didn’t know I was craving. It’s the calm that comes with becoming strong through a yoga practice. And the nuggets of wisdom that my wonderful yoga teacher weaves through each class have sparked my creativity again. I felt inspired to write this blog, for instance, because of the following advice.
The way forward is to step back from striving
In the midst of trying to balance in a difficult pose, she reminded us to step away from striving. As soon as I let go of the fact that my pose was not as advanced as it has been before, my body eased. Backing away from striving is the only way to relax into something challenging.
When we strive and push and work too hard and force things, we aren’t at our best, nor is our art. It doesn’t matter what your art is; when you force it, it stops flowing. And that theme has been continuing to show up for me this month.
Because what if things could be easy? What if we could step back from striving and find a better way?
After all I’ve been through this year, I’m ready to step back from striving. It’s too hard to push so much.
Instead, I’ll be letting things flow. I’ll be present more. I’ll learn that where I am at now is where I’m meant to be, and that this is all temporary anyway. The challenges, the recovery, the exhaustion, the worry – striving makes it worse. So, let’s all take heed of Kathy’s advice and take a tiny step back from striving. If just for today.
